Dickie Says 

By: Gonzales Levesque

Dickie says that in every room, in every social situation there is one person who is just waiting to do the worm. While he was saying this, my hip 20 something Mormon in-laws were break dancing on our living room floor. The laminate flooring is ideal for backspins and such. Dickie says that all you have to do is say the worm and some dude will usually dive out there and waste no time humping the floor.

Dickie says he's not going to break dance. That he'll need something a little stronger then the root beer float to get him on the dance floor. That it's his absolute last resource if he's trying to impress a girl. But as he sits there spectating he says that he knows a move that no one has done yet that will blow everyone away. Could he be talking about the head slide? Can Dickie do head slides? Headslides are the equivalent of a long front bluntslide to shove out in my books. Real heavy. Dickie is no stranger to getting busy on the floor of a party. He might even be that guy who is waiting for someone to whisper "the worm". He recently injured himself at a house party. Got a little carried away. Seems he went in for the flying splits. This is after doing the worm. I don’t think this was a last resort to impress a girl. From what I hear it was the spirits that got the best of him.

Dickie says "I've got to go out to my truck to do some lines of blow". This is a joke of course. Dickie's not the type to be lining his nostrils with white pow. Dickie's white pow exists solely in the backcountry. The Mormons however don't know what to make of his comment. The good folk from Southern Alberta don't make wise cracks about coke, crystal meth or heroine. Gay marriage though, that's a hot topic these days. A real zinger goes like this: question - Have you heard Canada's new national anthem? Answer - (sung to the tune of O'Canada) Homo Canada, our home and native land. Oh and I'm sure Brokeback Mountain is ruffling a few feathers. Imagine that, a gay cowboy movie, filmed in the glorious foothills. What an affront.

Dickie says that explains all the leather and spurs. Actually, I said that but Dickie agrees.

Dickie says that everyone has a collection of porn hidden away somewhere but will not admit to it. He says this regarding a base line playing that wouldn't be out of place in a 70's skin flick. "We don't have any porn." Says the Mormon in-law wife squeezing her husbands elbow tightly, digging into it. She may be a little out of her comfort zone here.

Dickie says the f-bomb a lot (that's what the Mormons call it). Dickie says that after talking to his family on the phone they say "do you know how many times you just used that awful word." Dickie is a good ambassador for the other side for my in-laws. The guy is all heart, however his behavior is not quite politically correct. But that's reality. Great people with more flaws then you care to count. Like those soft round sexy girls. Dickie says he's found a new brand of beer...